Motherhood and Working

I have always had a job. Always. I actually lied about my age to get my first job at Jack in the Box. I feel worthless if I am in between jobs for more than a week. But now, I’m a mom. I want to be home with my son. I don’t want someone else taking care of him at daycare. I put him in daycare when he was 6 months old, so that I could work full time. I had the option to work from home and did keep him home with me sometimes, but it was too hard. He wanted my attention, of course, and the office I worked for was too busy.

I wanted to be with Luca and honestly, I wish I could have spent more time with him when he was littler. I worked at his daycare for a little while and just last week stopped working there. For one, the facility was not a place I wanted to see him grow in. But I also knew, I could be doing more for him. So I started looking for a nanny job that would allow Luca to be with me as well. And I found one! Next week, Luca and I will be hanging out with a 2 and 3 year old little boy, Monday through Friday.

This week I have gotten to hang out with Luca all day and it’s been AMAZING. I just absolutely love him, he’s amazing in so many ways. But, I know me and if I don’t start making money soon, I’ll freak out. I actually did freak out the other day at the park with him. I get in my own head and start to panic. I had a full on panic attack about not being good enough for him or my husband. I’m hoping that anxiety goes away next week, when I start working again.

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